This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
