he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
