Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
