I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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