i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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