They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
