I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
