Plan B is the new Plan A
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
