shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
