Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
