When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
