and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
