I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
