I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I said "one day" and that day is not today
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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