you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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