We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
