Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
