But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
