Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
