I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
