True but thats because hes a fetus.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
