If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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