You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
