Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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