Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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