I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
