It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
