I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
