one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
