the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
