Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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