I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
