dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
