Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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