I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
