Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
