i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
