We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
