she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
