Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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