I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
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I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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