I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize