as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
