Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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