no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think my moral compass just broke
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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