i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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