Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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