good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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