Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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