Welp...herpes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
