Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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