I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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