she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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