I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
