Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Jerry, you need to find god
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
