So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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