You're my little dorito
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize