He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
