I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
