So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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