Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
