I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
